I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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