and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
