oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
