SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think your dad took our porno
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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