Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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