someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
