i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
