your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
