If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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