Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
