i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
