I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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