Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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