my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
