I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
