He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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