Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
