are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
