My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
