hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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