Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
