he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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