remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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