Screwed.edu
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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