Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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