I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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