Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
