I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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