he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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