In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Randomize
