life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
