holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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