Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
