I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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