three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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