so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
