Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
