either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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