Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
