I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
