no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have aggressive nipples.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
