I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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