Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
