I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
