you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
