i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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