A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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