Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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