you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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