woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
