I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
