My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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