I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
