So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
