OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
